It can be difficult when writing a blog, to strike a balance between revealing enough of yourself to make things interesting, but not revealing so much that you compromise your privacy. Sometimes there are things I want to write, but I am aware that people I know will be reading this, and I worry that I may write something that either offends them, or that I don't want them to know. But today I'm just going to write, and not worry about any of that.
I'm feeling a bit fed up at the moment, fed up of being treated like "just a mother" and saying, "I only work part time". I am fed up of being "seen" as being "just" these things. It seems that people think that because some women "only" do these things, then they have nothing important to say, or there is no point in speaking to them, or asking them anything about themselves because they are "just" a this or a that. Why should we have to apologise for wanting to spend time with our children and bring them up? Or conversely why should we have to justify wanting to work and advance? It seems we can't win, we can't alter how people "see" us. I have lost count of the times recently that I have had conversations with people that centre solely on what THEY are doing, where is the reciprocation? Is it a self centredness that has continued from childhood? What's it about? If there was an Olympic event in listening, I would win, I am well practiced.
Rant over.
I think a lot of it is in how one presents it. People can pick up on it if you're not 100% confident about what you do. If you say you're working parttime for a number of years while the children are young and are confident in your choice it shouldn't matter what anyone else thinks about it. On the other hand you could say, e.g., I work for an export company without giving any indication that you work parttime. It's nobody's business how many hours a week you put in.
ReplyDeleteI have a friend who answers the 'what do you do' question with: I'm lucky enough not to have to work for money so I can do lots of voluntary work. And she really does do much needed voluntary work that she quite rightly feels very proud of.
Whatever you do, say it with confidence and present it in a way you're comfortable with. And if anyone dares to look snobby about it just laugh - it's their problem not yours.
I agree that it's how you present it, but I don't feel that I should have to put a "spin" on it, or justify myself to anyone to be honest. I suppose it's more to do with people who are obsessed by status and career who use that as their principle tool of "judging" others. I suppose part of me feels a bit embarrassed that I am no longer following a conventional career, but maybe it will just take a while to get used to that myself.
DeleteI now make a conscious decision never to say that I am just a mum or that I don't work. In fact I get positively annoyed if someone claims I don't work and will tell them that I work very had looking after my children! At the end of the day I think that those who want to judge or criticise others do so because of something lacking in their own lives. You should be proud of what you do. I for one always see you as a very successful person!
ReplyDeleteOh thanks Emma, but the truth is that I am anything but a successful person, at least in the conventional sense of the word. I'm also guilty of getting too caught up in trivial things, that is something I have to work on. I suppose that is to do with a lack of intellectual challenge, something I have severely lacked in recent years.
DeleteWell there is something to be said for a good listener but I think it's rude to not ask the other person at least something about their life too. I am a mostly SAHM but work 2 days a week which is more than enough for me cos I am also trying to advance my writing and i am involved in a lot of volunteer things. A friend asked me at the weekend "do you not get bored?" kind of insunuating that i don't do anything (she is a full-time working mum). I felt a little insulted but I guess its just cos we're all different.
ReplyDeleteI agree that it's important to be a good listener, but I feel that's all I do. People used to listen to what I had to say because they liked and respected me. Now I feel forgotten. Maybe it's got more to do with some of the people I feel I have to spend time with, I used to have loads of friends, now I can count those I consider true friends on one hand!
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