Tuesday, 18 December 2012
Why I will never have another child...
For some reason, the first 12 months after having my two sons I felt unbelievably broody for more babies. We wanted to have our second child as soon as possible after our first, but things just didn't work out that way, and we ended up having almost a three year age gap. I do sometimes wish the age gap was smaller, as it means that Son 1 is into completely different things to Son 2, and it can be difficult to co-ordinate interests sometimes. However it is nice to be able to have a normal conversation with Son 1 and I'm starting to see him as a good friend as well as my child.
Even though we found Son 2 incredibly difficult to manage for the first year, for a variety of reasons and mainly related to sleep, I was still keen to have a third child at some point. I guess we figured we were knackered anyway so where was the harm in adding to it!
However, more recently, things have changed. Now I have no desire whatsoever to have more children. In fact, the thought of having another child makes me terrified. I suppose it's partly to do with work, where we are in our lives, or maybe just the fact that I feel our family is complete. Having a third child would mean getting a bigger car, moving to a bigger house, would make holidays even more difficult and would basically mean that our children would outnumber us! Most of all, I don't think I could do it to the children we already have. It's already difficult enough to juggle our attention between them and ensure they get what they need. I do find myself opting out of activities that would benefit Son 1 as I know Son 2 won't be able to access them and it just becomes so it's not worth it. For example the other day, we were trying to make salt dough tree decorations, and Son 2 ended up smearing paint everywhere, smashing the decorations on the floor and generally causing chaos!
I'm also excited about the next stage of our life as a family; I don't want to go back to phase 1 again. I don't want to be dictated by naps, milk feeds and constantly changing nappies. I want us to be free to go on cycling holidays, long walks and adventures. I don't want to burden my parents with looking after another of our children whilst I am at work, I don't want to lose my new independent income, I don't want to be even more tired than I already am.
I love our children, it's just that two is enough.