There are some days when I literally don't know whether I'm coming and going. I've definitely reached that stage in my life when I regularly enter a room and have no idea what I went in there for. I guess because I've so much on my mind there isn't much room for extras. I'm constantly stopping and starting with what I'm doing and I have the attention span of a gnat. I've never been good at concentrating on things for very long but more recently it seems to be getting worse. Another thing that's definitely been getting worse, especially over the past five years are my social skills, something that I used to pride myself on. There was a time when I could literally talk to anyone and make friends with them, now I never seem to know what to say. I guess as we get older our interest diversify and I just can't be bothered making small talk anymore. I definitely appear ruder now than I used to, and I don't care what people think of me as much, and I'm not saying that's a good thing.
I think part of it is that because I am so busy these days, I don't have close friends who can say, "Heather that was out of order, you acted like an idiot". Instead what seems to happen is that I just don't get invited to places, or included in things that maybe once upon a time I would have been. I've never been particularly bothered about having close friends because it's always come easy to me. Lately it hasn't and it's really starting to get to me.
Then I thought, do you know what, maybe I am a bit rude and a bit abrupt, but that's part of me and always has been, and people have liked me well enough in the past. I do think it's worth keeping yourself in check, but there are some things about oneself that we can never fundamentally change. I do wonder though, if the use of social media is seriously impairing not only our attention span but also our ability to interact well with others. I know I never pick the phone up anymore to ring people, as a teenager I was forever on the phone.
I may not be in the "in crowd" these days, but is that really a crowd I want to be in anyway? I'll go to the beat of my own drum like I always have, even if quite often I'm playing my drum alone.